VALUES: Professionals as Carriers of Oxytocin
The Homo sapiens sapiens, modern men and women, are characterized by belonging to a species with an innate need to be cared for by other human beings in order to achieve optimal development and unleash the full potential carried within our genes throughout life. No animal on Earth is as dependent, which makes us both capable and vulnerable. This forms the basis of the paradigm of «good treatment,» a term that is increasingly used colloquially but is backed by scientific evidence that speaks to our species’ need for caregivers who provide care, affection, security, and support to their offspring from generation to generation. In this way, we support the self through external reflection, through all the attentions we offer as parents, professionals, or significant individuals from two well-defined dimensions: security and affection. From the tone we use when playing with a baby to setting boundaries for a teenager’s mobile phone use or providing support to a friend after a divorce, we are laying the foundations for a nurturing relationship. Nothing that has not been experienced externally will arise internally. Therefore, we now know that even processes such as regulating body temperature, biochemical processes for satiety in nutrition, language, or emotional modulation, among others, have their origins in the early relationship we establish with our caregivers.
In summary, we are talking about the need to establish healthy connections from day one that allow us to acquire autonomy tools and skills for a normatively healthy development. Through continuous access to a responsive and attuned adult, a child or adolescent experiences contexts of protection and well-being that enable the development of new resources such as self-regulation, empathy, and mentalizing capacity. This is how we gradually build ourselves from the most basic and primitive aspects (movement, emotional development) to the more elaborate ones (executive functions). It is a harmonious development, akin to a 4×4 musical rhythm, from bottom to top and from the outside in, like the 4×4 beat of «Another Day of Sun» from the movie La La Land.
However, things don’t always happen as they should, or unfortunately, they happen in ways they shouldn’t. Parental incompetence, toxic environments, or risky situations can undermine that protective and nurturing sphere, leading to very concerning consequences that compromise the psycho-physical health of the child or adolescent. These are young people we need to work with, who show impairments in all areas of development and require the recovery of an environment that is understanding and caring enough to repair the damage that should never have been allowed. We may only see their behavioral problems, aggressiveness, substance abuse, or self-destructive attitudes, but behind it all, there is a history of neglect, mistreatment, and abuse that leaves a lasting impact. These young people are so fractured that they now have to do more with less, and for that, they need a professional who carries oxytocin, someone who embraces their pain and helps them navigate a new scenario. A professional who, through their own self (the adult’s self), allows for the repair of that damage, as we mentioned before, from the outside in and from the bottom up.
«Only a professional who has truly dedicated time, space, and a great deal of energy to self-discovery, to uncovering their strengths and limitations, will be in an optimal position to provide guidance under the best conditions.»
While the concept of a professional as a carrier of oxytocin has metaphorical undertones, the truth is that we now know that neurobiology is playing a significant role in the technical framework underlying support and, particularly, when dealing with individuals who have experienced trauma. Oxytocin is a hormone present in caring relationships, in attunement, ultimately in nurturing relationships, and as professionals, we must keep it in mind in any intervention we carry out, whether with a child or an adult. This presence that we have been discussing from the early lines will enable the rehabilitation of those individuals, allowing them to be in the world in a more adjusted and healthy way.
Every time I stand in front of a group of professionals in the field of social intervention during a training session, the challenge is always the same: being able to convey the difficulty of finding the balance between what I consider to be the keys to therapeutic support: Being, Knowing, and Knowing How. Each of these elements is like a string of a guitar, and when you take away two strings and try to play «Luna lunera» by Estopa, the instrument will still produce sound, and the melody may even be recognizable, but it won’t have the soul or the freshness of playing it with all six strings. Throughout my professional journey, I have encountered many individuals who excelled in one of these aspects, but true virtue lies in the harmony among all three. There are highly technically skilled professionals with a well-structured and concise discourse, but they may struggle when it comes to one-on-one interactions with adolescents. On the other hand, there are those who excel in the realm of Doing, who are truly exquisite in their ability to connect with young individuals and position themselves as sensitive and understanding role models. However, they may face challenges in establishing a well-founded plan and sequencing due to a lack of training and technical perspective. Nevertheless, it is a joy to behold when you come across someone who seamlessly combines all three elements in a fluid manner.
Undoubtedly, the dimension of BEING is the one that concerns me the most lately. Our identity, the integration of our narratives, our own wounds, and life experiences have shaped us as individuals who will accompany others. Only a professional who has truly dedicated time, space, and a great deal of energy to self-discovery, to uncovering their strengths and limitations, will be in an optimal position to provide support under the best conditions. Traumatized children, adolescents, and adults awaken in us the seed of doubt, uncertainty, and unease. They are experts at pushing us beyond our window of tolerance and disrupting the integration we need in order to offer the security and affection they require. In this sense, if there are situations that generate a lot of internal restlessness within me, that connect me with something very intense, I won’t be able to see the young person clearly. They will become blurred among their provocations or dysregulation. Lies, thefts, threats, job placement failures, or disruptions in therapy are manifestations of internal distress. We might wish for the rehabilitation process to resemble a Hollywood movie, but in reality, it is not, and that can shake us like a tsunami on the shores of Southeast Asia, causing us to lose sight of their underlying struggles and educational needs.
David is an experienced social educator who has grown throughout his professional journey. However, he needs external order and structure to maintain his internal stability. He is a lover of routines, protocols… predictability. In our work, this can seemingly be a virtue because we know that structure and the security of predictability are crucial factors for the young people we serve. However, that cannot be his sole source of stability because when there is external chaos in the life of a young person, that chaos transfers to David’s internal world. Like a glacier cracking, his integration begins to crumble, and he loses control, seeking regulation within norms, rigidity, and structure. In that state of dysregulation, he abandons the young person and their chaos because he cannot attend to them professionally, even if he wants to.
«We must KNOW because there is nothing worse than treating a cold as if it were a sprain or administering chemotherapy sessions to someone with a stomach ulcer.»
There are many boys and girls who know us better than we know ourselves. It’s normal; they need to control everything, including us. That’s why, initially, it is much more important to convey to the young person that we are a resilient, integrated, and trustworthy figure who can tolerate their dysregulation and fears. In this regard, as I have heard psychologist Javier Romeu say on several occasions, if a child feels stronger than the adult, who will protect them? Therefore, as professionals who carry oxytocin, the first step we must take is to become the gigantic sequoia tree that offers shade, shelter, and a sense of strength.
I won’t dwell too much on the aspect of KNOWING because it is obvious that we need to be continuously trained to have explanatory models of what is happening in the lives of the young people we walk alongside. However, I cannot overlook the fact that training in the 21st century provides us with keys to decipher the underlying causes of dysregulated behaviors, substance abuse, theft, aggression, and countless situations that require a comprehensive model to make sense of these creative adjustments, as psychologist Lola Pavón calls them. Perhaps I become aggressive to instill fear and thus avoid connecting with my own fear, feeling some sense of control and protection. Or maybe I become the funny one to distract myself or others from my own difficult and painful experiences. Or I become compliant to avoid rejection, or strive for perfection to maintain a sense of control in some aspect of my life. These adjustments serve a purpose: to adapt to the world I have been thrust into. In those challenging moments, we need to draw on our knowledge of neurobiology, resilience, mentalization, dissociation, attachment, and the impact of trauma in various contexts. We must KNOW, because there is nothing worse than treating a common cold as if it were a sprained ankle, or providing chemotherapy sessions to someone with a stomach ulcer. It may sound exaggerated, but it is all too common in the helping profession. Due to a lack of training, we often attribute quick and iatrogenic explanatory models.
Lastly, the ability to KNOW HOW to do things is the third pillar upon which a professional who carries oxytocin relies. There is such a fine line between doing things well and doing them poorly! We can develop the best plans, design effective programs and interventions, but they will fail if we do not possess a repertoire of skills and resources to implement them. While we have been discussing the power of the dyadic relationship between the professional and the young person, it is actually the perception that the young person has of that connection that matters. They are the ones who give meaning to the bond. Thus, the relational model we approach them with must be different, based on the need to repair those early experiences of helplessness. The biggest mistake we can make is thinking that everyone should be treated the same way. We will never know exactly what they will feel or think, which is why an attitude of curiosity is necessary to at least try to understand the mental states that make them who they are.
I agree with Sam the hobbit: each young person’s story is a story that fills the heart, even though we are often too small to fully understand them. But we must continue to grow in our being, our knowing, and our ability to act in order to offer the protagonists enough encouragement so that they don’t give up.
Article written by Íñigo Martínez de Mandojana Valle. Psychopedagogue, social educator, and trainer.
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